...What a disappointment. Sure seems like you have a good attitude about it, though. Good for you! Despite the disappointment, I know that our God is sovereign, and you can trust Him. He's got you in the palm of His hand, and He cares about you. Hang in there. Keep your heart tender towards Him.
That's a line I need to remember myself. Lately I've had a bit of an edge... Mike mentioned it the other day after I confessed my short temper and sharp tone. He said, "You're better than this," and I dissolved into tears. My heart has felt hard towards God.
Last week I heard a talk on the three ways we relate to God: as an orphan, a slave or a beloved child. I'm anything BUT the last one right now. My heart feels jagged, and my outlook is simply duty-bound. "Shoulds" and "oughts" seem to come out of my mouth more than they should. (ha). More than I'd like.
Will you please pray for my heart? Pray for a soft heart toward God, and a gentle spirit. Pray that I would soak my heart in the streams of Living Water.
Do you ever get that way? Do you have times when your heart feels hard, and your attitude and words are much more harsh than you intended? Times when you say something, and instantly regret the tone, or even the words themselves?
I sent that email to a girlfriend yesterday and discovered that I'm in "that place" again. It seems like I go through these phases or cycles in my walk with the Lord. I think most people do. Ecclesiastes talks about seasons in life, and I think one of my "seasons" is one in which I have jagged edges around me, so that when people bump into me, it's like encountering a porcupine. Ouch! Through years of desperate experience, I also know that I need to sit down and go through a little booklet called Satisfied? twice a year. I think it might be that time of year again.
So, what makes all the difference? It's actually a "WHO"... and that's the Holy Spirit. I know these jagged edges come from disappointment, trials, anger, relationship woes... anything that doesn't meet my expectations. What do I do with those disappointments? If I adamantly refuse (or even passively resist) taking those hurts and wounds to the Lord, I start to grow bitter and my heart becomes hard. Distance creeps into my relationship with God as I begin to relate to Him as a task-master, or a harsh disciplinarian, rather than my loving Father.
Holy Spirit is our comforter and counselor (among other roles). When I try to self-protect and insulate my heart from the people and experiences that might bring pain or disappointment, I effectively tell God that I don't trust Him or His intentions. When I try to "happy talk" myself into a good attitude, I deny the reality of pain, disappointment, and missed goals. But we have a Comforter and a Counselor who can lead us into all truth, who doesn't deal harshly with us, and with whom we can embrace reality. I want to let the Holy Spirit guide my into the dark places of my heart, to show me areas of life and heart where I've said "NO!" to God. I long for an open life - where God has full access, and fully glory.
If you find yourself in that same place, you can:
Specifically TC #3: How You Can Be Filled With The Spirit
Guess it's time for me to pull away now... As I asked my girlfriend, I'll also ask you: Will you please pray for my heart? Pray for a soft heart toward God, and a gentle spirit. Pray that I would soak my heart in the streams of Living Water.
2 comments:
Dear God, you know that Sarah loves you deeply. Right now she is going through some trials and I ask, in Your Name, that you woo her back to you. Soften her heart, Lord. Remind her that You are the only one who can truly satifsy that longing in her heart. Continue to give her the wisdom, the joy, and the love as she serves you. Also, Lord, I pray that she and Mike also continue to have you as the 3rd cord in their marriage.
Amen.
K Grieser
Sarah, this totally spoke to me. I've had a lot of jagged edges lately and your post was one of several things God used to address those edges. Thanks for your vulnerability. I've been praying for you. You can pray these things for me as well. It's so easy to let disappointment and discouragement pull me down and miss opportunities for God to shape my character and correct my assumptions that life is supposed to work out the way I think it should... Anyway, thanks again.
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